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On Being Brave | A Message Of Kindness To Our Daughters

Do you have a daughter?

I never pictured myself with one.  I didn’t know what to do with one. And I definitely had no clue on how to communicate a message of kindness to a daughter.

I pictured myself having boys.  Being more of a tomboy, I knew more about beating you in a game of basketball than fixing my hair or wearing makeup.  [I’m still not a pro at either of those things yet] I didn’t have a lot of girlfriends for the first 20 years of my life.  And I’ll be totally honest, I didn’t want to have to give the sex talk.  Ever.  That may have been reason #1.

But I do have a daughter.  And man, is she amazing.  She’s absolutely beautiful and quite hilarious.  A night owl (just like me) and an incredible negotiator.  She loves bugs and dirt and dresses.  At five, she can pinpoint and articulate her feelings better than I could in college.  She’s quick to let you know you made a mistake and quick to forgive you for it.  Ah! I just love her so freakin’ much!

What concerns me more than the sex talk…

And although I can pretty much guarantee that the sex talk is going to be awkward… I’m not afraid of that anymore.  I’m more concerned with being able to articulate and help her understand her value.

I get a sweet spot of influence for the first few years of her life.  [Of course we plan on being friends forever.  She even said I could come live with her when she moves out *heart melts to mush*]

But… how do I put this… is anyone reading this over the age of 6?  Then you feel me when I say that I have been MESSED UP by messages I’ve received about who I am or who I am supposed to be as a woman and what I’m supposed to look like.  It just doesn’t stop!  The obvious negative messages, where boys or girls make fun of you, are hard enough but I think the more dangerous messages are the ones that are subtly fed to us through our favorite movies and sweet love songs.  So subtle that we turn those unhealthy messages into our own self talk and just think it’s us.

Not My Soapbox

I have a soapbox for this topic and eventually you’ll get that earful… but not today.  Today is for speaking a message of kindness to our girls.  I’ve heard it said that for every lie you hear, you need to hear 10 truths to take it’s place.

Will you take 3 minutes to listen to these words? They are so good!

Your message of kindness

I asked a couple of you what you wish you could say to the next generation of women. Your thoughts are like food to me and make me feel like I’m not alone. Thank you for speak them.

“[H]er ideas have value and that tenderness is powerful.” – hailey

“To be a woman is an honor. Value your tenderness and vulnerability! It’s needed in this world. Build other women up not tear them down. We need each other.” – bethany

“To be fierce, and to be strong and to know you have WORTH – but to not ever stop nourishing and embracing the softness that makes you female. It is a beautiful thing.” -jordan

“You must love yourself before trying to love anyone else. Know that true beauty comes from deep within. It’s not superficial.” -kaleah

“Knowing you are watching me and learning from me makes me braver and kinder.” -ashley

“Don’t be afraid to explore who you are. Don’t define yourself by what other people expect of you. Find what makes you happy.” -my mom

There is a powerful trend that is eating away the innocence and life of our girls.  They are under an almost unimaginable pressure from every side.  But your words matter.  Your words change things.  What you say is powerful.  The most powerful thing it can change is our own mind.  Be kind to yourself. Be brave and be honest.

And Now to Demma

Baby girl, I love you.  A crazy big amount of love.  You make me happy every day.  Of all the gifts I’ve ever been given, the look on your face when I come home is one of my favorites. I’m not quite sure what to share here, because there are special things about you I want you to hear from my lips that are only for you and not for other people to hear me say to you.  But I will say there are atomic bombs of hope in your heart.  You will know sadness.  Your heart will break and your will be hurt.  But the Lord holds the fuses and knows the exact times to set off those bombs in your heart.  You can trust Him with your heart.  I think you will do amazing things in your lifetime but I’m not waiting for you to be great.  I’m celebrating your greatness now.

Read On

If you’re interested in reading more of the “On Being Brave” series you can start with these articles.

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